Why wife sharing/hotwifing?
Wife sharing has definitely been a process for me. A process that has lead to a lot of self discovery and personal growth. It has been one of the most unique and powerful experiences of my life. Its very unusual to me that letting my wife sleep with other men could impact our lives in such a positive way. I would go as far as to say that it has impacted my life to a greater magnitude than hers. The sheer thought of what most would consider betrayal, being not only a positive experience, but an experience that would create a culture inside of our marriage of trust and communication that would lead to a greater sense of closeness and love. It is a bit of a mind fuck, but none the less very true.
However, I feel as though, I have many questions that need to be answered. Questions about myself that I want answered. I mean, am I just a hormone driven man that is into some freaky shit, or is my desire derived of my gentleman nature, or maybe something in between. Why do I like wife sharing and what has it done for me? Why does my wife like the lifestyle, and what has it done for her? What has it done for my marriage? There are just some questions that are obviously going to be multi-layered and are probably going to evolve in the coming years. From what we have seen thus far, we have seen positive growth in both of our personal lives as well as in our marriage.
It is up to us to create a marriage that we both love. It is our responsibility to each other to create a marriage that enriches both our lives. Happiness takes many forms, and there are many ways to achieve happiness. The most important part of our wife sharing lifestyle, is that it is not something we need to be happy. There are plenty of other ways for us to be happy. Our marriage doesn’t lack anything, so as far as the marriage goes, we don’t need to add anything to it to make it satisfying. Things were really good before we got into the lifestyle, and we couldn’t imagine our relationship going to another level, everything felt really good. So why mess with a good thing, right.
It wasn’t easy for me to ask my wife if she would like to sleep with other men. I mean the notion of asking your wife to sleep with other men just seemed crazy. Crazy enough that I often felt broken. I knew my wife was an open minded person, but still I wasn’t sure if I was ready for it or if she was ready for it or if our marriage was ready for it. I also at this time didn’t know that there was a wifesharing or hotwife lifestyle out there. I seriously thought I was all by myself and that I just had a really strange kink. I grew up super conservative, so I had my own conscience working against me for over a decade. I just kept burying it deeper inside of me.
It wasn’t very long after we started dating that I had a dream about her being with another man. That dream had really turned me on, though I never brought it up to her. Then I started occasionally fantasizing about it, but always felt guilty about the fantasy. I know I dropped hints about wanting her to be with another man sexually, but I never pushed them. I at this time was not ready for it, that was for sure. It wasn’t for about 12 – 13 years into our relationship that I realized I was finally ready for it. We were at a point that things were more natural. No more toxic friends. We figured out what kind of people we wanted to have in our lives, we had all the children that we wanted, we had grown passed all the immature growing pains, and we were just in a really content place in our lives. Most importantly our marriage was bullet proof.
So I was trying to tell her for months, it may have been over half a year that I just finally blurted it out in the car on our way back from a weekend get away in the mountains. I was probably a bit awkward about it, but I said “I think I want to see another man fuck you”. She only said “okay” in a quiet not so sure what to say kind of way, I could tell she was short of breath and at a loss for words. I continued on to explain to her that I think it’ll be just a one time thing. Just something I thought I needed to get out of my system. Well that conversation started a lot more conversations. Over about a years worth of conversations to be exact. We talked about rules, and boundaries, we talked about each others fantasies. We saw sides of each other we had never seen before. This broke down nearly any wall left in our lives. We trusted each other like we never trusted before. The communication was amazing. It spilled over into all parts of our lives. We were living some sort of dream marriage.
This started as a kink of mine. One that I was embarrassed of, but my wife was very accepting of it. Not ever judgmental of me in any way. One may say, well she is the beneficiary of the true benefit here, and that being she gets to play with other men sexually, so of course she was accepting. While this is true, she never just jumped on board and took the fantasy and ran away with it. She considered it carefully, and she also considered and suggested that I find women to sleep with. So that door is open for me, and I do consider my options, believe you me. So even though this was born of a kinky pleasure, it has grown into something so special. It has increased the frequency of sex and flirting. It has made us emotionally closer. “She loved me enough to be faithful to me, but I loved her enough to want something more for her” – anonymous.
So the question, why do I like wife sharing? Or better stated more specifically. Why do I want my wife to fuck other men? A decade ago up to about a couple years ago, it was about a very specific kink that I wanted fulfilled. One that I thought if I saw it, I could move past it and go onto having a more stereotypical male fantasy. Well the accepting and non-judgmental nature of my wife is actually what turned it into something I (we) want to do long term for now. It became so much more than just getting off for me. It became another way to tell my wife I loved her. Another way to tell her I trusted her. Another way for me to spoil her. While it still turns me on, it also takes us to a level beyond other marriages around us. I see people suspicious of infidelity in their marriages. I see marriages dealing with insecurities and immaturaties. Marriages that lack trust and communication. I see that wife sharing would likely break these other marriages as well. It make me realize that my wife and I have something very special. We are dedicated to making our marriage work. No part of this lifestyle should ever effect our marriage negatively as long as we communicate honestly and openly.
So therefor I want my wife to fuck other men because it allows her to experience her sexuality in a variety of different ways. A woman’s sexual capacity is enormous, and no one man can peel back every layer of her sexuality. It takes many different personalities to peel back different layers. She deserves to experience that. I also want her to fuck other men, because I believe she deserves it. To give her a break from being a spouse, mother, and successful professional in the work place. I believe she has earned a good dicking and some time where she doesn’t have to think about anything other than just getting dicked really hard. Just letting her stress and inhibitions go. I also want her to fuck other men for my own selfish reasons. She comes home horny and I want to reclaim her. She is my personal pornstar and takes videos and pictures for me. I really enjoy helping plan her dates, give her some in-site as to what he may want, as well as helping her choose outfits and under garments.
In return, after the heat has died down and normal life takes its reigns again. We go through our day to day routines with a refreshed mind set. A refreshed closeness and love that helps keep things in perspective. Some people have different ways of achieving this same result, as do we, but for now I am only talking about the one peculiar thing we added to our marriage that made such a profound and uplifting shift in our relationship with each other that it is worth discussing and exploring.
As far as what this does for my wife and how it effects her. I think it effects her in a very similar fashion as it does me. Some of the differences are that she can flirt and play with other men with my full knowledge and support and not worry about judgment. She doesn’t have to worry about competing with other women, because honestly she is my fantasy. So I don’t really pursue other women, but when I do, I also do it with her knowledge. She also sees the genuine trust that has been magnified by this lifestyle. She has told me that she wants to add more men to her variety, but for now things are good the way they are. She can have as many lovers as she wants to as long as it doesn’t disrupt our marriage or our lives. She has my full support in exploring her sexuality. We live a very monogamous existence with each other, with the exception that sexual infidelity is allowed with the full knowledge of each other. Some would say that, that would automatically define our marriage as that of an open marriage or some sort of non-monogamous relationship. I simply don’t don’t see it that way and don’t really try to gravitate to defining it to particular words or groups. As far as we are concerned, we are monogamous in nature and we consider our marriage monogamous with benefits.
For anyone that would be skeptical of the lifestyle choice or of anything that I have had to say. I would applaud their skepticism. The choices we made were made cautiously and with much deliberation. We did not rush into anything and met the lifestyle choice with our own skepticism. The lifestyle is not for the many, it is for the few. I only hope it is viewed with an open heart and open mind. Just know that elevating your marriage can be found in the oddest places. There is no specific formula that works for everyone. Just be aware that it is through trusting each other and communicating with each other that anything may be possible. Even in this specific lifestyle we have made compromises with each other to make it work for us.
“My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to. Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small. You never need to carry more than you can hold, and while you’re out there getting where you’re getting to. I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too. Yeah, this is my wish’. ~ Rascal Flatts
The Artful Throbber