Recently I was asked by a follower “Can you be a cuckold, without your wife/GF taking a lover?” and I thought what a great question. I am sure for a lot of guys into cuckolding that have not found the right woman or found a way to bring it up in their relationship, so are they even a cuckold? Is a man a driver without a car, a writer without a pen, a general without an army?
I would argue yes. Being a cuckold is not a kink or a fetish, to be fair it CAN be that but it doesn’t HAVE to be. I think to give this justice its best to go over the difference between a kink, fetish, and mentality are from my perspective and how they build into the lifestyle of this relationship. I see it as an escalating scale and keep in mind I am not a psychologist or sex expert this is just my personal understanding.
The Scale of Sexual Deviance
NOTE: Deviance in this context just means “deviating from the norm” with no negative connotation intended. Deviance is a virtue because the status quo is often so shallow
1. Kink:
Kink is your base line for wanting something different. This doesn’t always have to be directly linked to cuckolding, you can love seeing your woman in a certain outfit, like to have your balls slapped, feel a rope tied tightly around your wrists. The kink to me is just the simple act that deviates from vanilla encounters, the gene to the cell, the cell to the organ, the organ to the body, the kink to the fetish.
2. Fetish:
Fetish is the personal devotion to the dynamics that make a kink work. It is the next step up and when the aspects of the kink start to enthrall your brain and you feel yourself “going down the rabbit-hole” and trying to learn everything about the kink, it becomes a fetish. In cuckolding the kink is seeing your wife/GF with another man. The fetish builds up as you want her to have powerful orgasms from this man, you want her to tell you how much better he is than you, how big and hard his cock is fucking her, and how she is enjoying the cock. The kink is seeing her suck the cock, the fetish is seeing her love having a bigger man inside of her mouth, wanting to kiss her lips as they are swollen and wet from that cock massaging her mouth, feeling yourself not just want the physical sensation but the intimacy that goes along with it. And then you cum and turn the porn off where you just watched a porn star make out with a white boi after she took a load from a big black cock.
Side note: Most men will only ever get as far as a fetish, and that is because kinks and fetishes are sexual objects to fulfill fantasies. If all you want is the fulfillment of a fantasy there are plenty of sex workers making great content. Pay for your porn and if you keep the conversation respectful and transactional you can build a great professional and healthy relationship with these workers that doesn’t have to be exploitative either party. SEX WORK IS WORK. Okay now that we got that PSA done back to the scale.
3. Mentality:
The cuckold mentality is when the fetish builds and builds and builds so much inside of your psyche that you want to make it a reality. When you are in the cuckold mentality you have admitted you are a cuckold and that this is the type of relationship you want. You don’t just think about this with porn and go back to your wife, you think about how to bring it up to your wife in a respectful way and make her comfortable to express her sexuality. A true cuckold (and not just someone who fetishizes infidelity) will want his wife to take on a lover, not because it gets HIM off, but because SHE wants to feel a much larger man inside of her. A true cuckold doesn’t want to see his wife with a black man because blackness is fetishized, but because his wife is more attracted to black men, because she feels more safe and adored and admired by the black bulls she courts. The true cuckold would have no problem with his wife bringing a white man, or a woman, or a toy to bed because he is so focused on his wife’s sexual liberation and empowerment that he will do anything to support her reaching her sexual maximum. The cuckold mentality is accepting that you will go to the extreme for your wife, because you want her to go spread her wings and then come back, because that is the sign of true love.
4. Lifestyle:
You are now a cuckold. You are not just fantasizing about this lifestyle but you have a plan to bring it up to your wife or prepare to bring it up in conversation when on dates. You no longer feel the shame for enjoying this and now are looking to share this mentality with your partner and make it a reality – but its hard. Your wife may first dismiss the idea or be very slow to discuss it in detail or the conversation can become muddled and you have to try and try again. If you’re single it is really hard to bring it up without seeming like you only care about it as a kink and a fetish for your own sexual satisfaction and once you can get over that wall you have to actually find someone into it. No one said it was easy but neither are vanilla relationships, and this relationship will have all of those basic struggles as well. You still have to live together, pay bills, raise the kids, talk about work and who will pick up the dry cleaning and 1,000 other things that make a relationship a partnership. Being in the lifestyle just means being honest and open with your partner about wanting to share and communicate these desires with them. You don’t have to find a bull next week or come to our bi-annual Cucklifornia BBQ and get your badge, (although this does sound like a lot of fun), you just need to be honest and open with your partner and work to make this dynamic an aspect of your partnership and the life you share together.
To have the cuckold mentality you really have to be “wired different” as Venus always says and I think that’s true. You have to want to see your wife’s happiness so bad you are willing to allow her to take another man’s cock. You don’t just allow it, but you support it. You support anything that makes your wife’s satisfied. This makes everything intimate from doing the dishes, mowing the lawn, locking your cage, to buying your wife and her bull drinks while you’re out and everything in between. You know that by making your sexual gratification contingent on your wife’s satisfaction she never has any pressure to do anything other than feel her happiest, most confident self, with the world at her finger tips.
Embracing this emotional support in the relationship is what cuckolding is all about. Honestly it isn’t about infidelity at all. Everyone has seen the cliche of a man finishing during sex and rolling over to sleep while his wife lays unsatisfied and a cuckold completely rejects that. A cuckold never wants his wife to go out and tell her girlfriends that something is missing in the relationship, he always wants to be there to provide it.
A cuckold can also be expressed without sex. A cuckold can give his woman a foot rub after a long day working and cuddle her because he knows she’s not in a sexual mood. Cuckolding can be waking up early and making her breakfast on Tuesday morning or dropping flowers off to her work just because. Cuckolding can be wishing her a good time when she goes out with her girlfriends or picking up the groceries because she has to work late tonight. You may think these are just parts of a relationship but that’s precisely because cuckolding is a relationship first and foremost.
The specific dynamic for a cuckold relationship is about, as a man, embracing any sacrifice for your woman’s happiness. By devoting this much to his woman the cuckold not only gets the sexual and emotional energy from her supplemented on his own, but if he has a true cuckoldress he will also earn her appreciation and gratitude. He will find himself getting breakfast in bed and the laundry put away with his favorite shirt ironed and ready for the morning right next to his freshly cleaned chasity cage. He will get texts while she is at work of her key around her neck or her panties damp and wet. This constant back and forth of trying to please each other is what all relationships thrive on and the cuckolding relationship is focused on the woman’s satisfaction.
This is the cuckold mentality, embracing her satisfaction the more raw the better. The cuckold mentality is about being happy whether your wife gives you head at night or invites over one of her bulls. The cuckoldress mentality is about wanting to bring over one of her hung bulls because she knows her cuckold loves nothing more than to see her suck and fuck big black cock. Both partners work to heighten each others sexual experience, and that is the true cuckold mentality.