26F (me) and 34M in a stag/vixen dynamic.
I see SO many posts “how do I get her into it?” “how can I convince my wife??” “should I pick a guy, set her up, etc”.
Pump. The. Fucking. Breaks. Guys.
Maybe it’s a girl you just started dating, maybe it’s a longtime gf, and maybe it’s your wife, your LIFE partner.
“Convince her”? She is a whole entire person with her own thoughts and feelings, who (presumably) loves you, your thoughts, and feelings. You likely entered into a relationship under the premise of monogamy. And now you want her to fuck other guys.
This creates a whole whirlwind of emotions for her, TRUST ME. I remember (and sometimes still have) thoughts of:
-So he wants to fuck other girls? -Is this his way of setting me up with someone else so he can cut me loose? -Maybe he’s just using me as a comfortable/safe way to get to other men? -This is all about him. He wants me to have a HUGE cock inside me and have some rando throw me around for his enjoyment. I thought he loved me, and now I’m being demoted to a cheap sex object? -Does he really just think he’s letting me act on my deepest desires, being a cock-hungry slut that needs a 10” dick to feel fulfilled? Does he really think all women want this, but are too “ashamed” to “give in”? -Is he unhappy with our sex life? -Does he not want to fuck me anymore, so he’s just outsourcing labor? lol
-He really doesn’t care about losing me -He REALLY really doesn’t care about losing me
Whether these things are in fact true for my situation or yours, I can’t ever be 100% sure. I can be sure that your lady has definitely considered at least some of these things and possibly more. And maybe for you (and my bf) it’s just a fun way to get off. For myself, I will admit I have sent myself into spirals obsessing over these thoughts, knowing that I’ll never feel fully confident about the answers.
I’m fortunate my bf brought this interest up fairly early on in the relationship. We actually connected during the “soo what kinda porn do you like” talk after a few drinks, a couple months into dating. But once the talk of cuckolding became a reoccurring one, I finally asked him if this was a want or a need? And yes, my heart sank when he said it was a need. Now I had to ask myself… “Do I hate this idea? Am I just ‘okay’ with this? Do I want a relationship like this for myself?”.
I feel like I’m part of a quiet minority in this sub when I say some girls just DON’T like it. Yet I see men on here constantly poking and pushing their wife, trying to goad her into something she DIDN’T sign up for.
When you bring this up to her, you take away the safe little bubble of being in a loving, committed relationship with you. You turn her world upside down sharing this (and all the power to you for communicating with her!), but I see so often that some of you have to keep pushing and pushing. If you’ve brought this up once, she knows. She loves you, and this may hide in the back of her mind, but will never disappear.
Consider for yourself if this is a want or a need. If this is a need, don’t avoid the conflict. Be forthcoming with her about it. It’s who you are, it’s what you like. If you need it, be frank. Give her the option to get with or without it. But it isn’t fair if she’s not into it, but knows this topic will continue creeping into conversations for months and years to come.
If this is a want, express that to her. And ask yourself if you’ll truly feel satisfied in a relationship with her where cuckolding remains only role play or a fantasy you share together.
“I’m not sure if she’s into it.”. Talk to her when you aren’t all hot and heavy and judgments are clouded. And LISTEN- not through a lens of “but I KNOW she’ll love it when we try it!”- but in an earnest, “I love you, and I deeply care about you and your feelings” kind of way. Then drop it. YOU can’t change her mind, but SHE can come around to it, in her own time, on her own terms.
Be patient as fuck. Really. It’s the only way you might have a chance at this. Try to spend the downtime (because you aren’t bringing this up again for a while, riiiight?) not focusing on this feeling that she’s depriving you of something you really want, but focusing on HER and your relationship together. Have better conversations about topics unrelated to this, have better sex as a couple, make her KNOW you love HER. Make her feel smart, funny, sexy, all the reasons you came to love her in the first place. If she’s feeling confident and secure in herself and her bond with you, she’ll be in a much better place to consider trying bringing in a third. When she’s feeling like the goddess she is, she MIGHT even bring it up to you!
You are dropping a bombshell on her. Don’t underestimate the emotions she’s facing. Her confidence in herself (am I not enough for him?) is low, her confidence in your relationship (I thought he was happy how things were?) is LOW. Bring her back up, focus on all the excellent shit you DO have. She obviously loves you, and is definitely a badass if she didn’t immediately shut you down upon dropping this on her.
It’ll be a tough road for you and your relationship. But I think understanding if this is a want or need will save you both time and heartache. Regardless of which it is, you’ve GOT TO CHILL. Direct your focus back on your love, and away from all the cuck porn, literotica, and cucky subreddits. Take a step back and realize you’ve got a great woman and a great life together. Make sure she feels this too, ALWAYS.