What are the common problems with cuckoldry? How can you overcome or avoid them with as little friction in your life and relationship as possible?
Often, we do not think of risk assessment and analysis for relationships. We simply respond to issues as they arise. I want to prepare you for problems you may face along the way and give you a simple solution to each problem you may face as you begin exploring cuckoldry.
Problem #1: Too Much, Too Soon
One of the most common problems novice cuckolding couples make is doing too much too soon. Sometimes, this is a case of blurring the line between fantasy and reality. In other cases, women rush the level of control they have before their partner and the relationship can handle the change.
Contemporary Cuckoldry is about seduction, building trust, and keeping the lines of communication open on both sides of the relationship. While some blurring of the lines between fantasy and reality is normal, too much can cause even the best of intentions to backfire.
Though exciting, cuckoldry can be terrifying for men who desire it. Usually, they have built the fantasy years before developing a relationship. However, once a woman reveals a similar interest in cuckoldry, he shies away from any real application of control.
This seemingly counterproductive reaction to reality-based cuckoldry is part of a normal transition for a man. Embracing his submissive and cuckold nature is not something easily accomplished.
Typically, at this point, the couple may notice an increase of arguments, petty or otherwise, tension rising, and a battle of the wills ensuing. This is the time to focus on The FCR Concept™ and ensure that you are valuing one another.
Problem #2: Compromising to Excess
Sometimes, when a couple tries too much too soon, the women in particular reach another potential problem—caving or giving in to their male counterparts. A clear sign of this is when he begins bargaining for things, letting his fear take over his better judgment, and becoming more demanding of her. As a result, she feels pressured, cornered, or even bullied by him.
Loving domestic discipline is the most effective tool available to a woman who reaches this point. A healthy dose of discipline helps her partner embrace his submissive nature. Please note, I do not condone or encourage domestic abuse. There is a line between loving domestic discipline and domestic abuse. You must decide how thin that line is in your relationship.
Loving domestic discipline takes many forms including controlled corporal punishment, corner time, increased housework or tasks, or enforced exercise. Be creative. It is best to develop a behavior modification plan before problems arise. A clear mind always develops a healthier plan of correction than one spurred by anger, jealousy, insecurity, or frustration.
Problem #3: An Emotional Setback
The next hurdle many couples experience, once the cuckold learns to embrace his role in the relationship, is what seems like a decrease in trust. This is usually brought on by jealousy or insecurity on the cuckold’s part, but how the Cuckoldress reacts is what makes all the difference.
Mary is a brand new Cuckoldress. She has a wonderful lover, Joe, with whom she has great sex both with and without her husband present. Bob is a new cuckold with a lifelong desire for cuckoldry. As Mary and Joe grow as lovers, she expresses her contentment with Bob. However, Bob suddenly begins telling Mary that he dislikes how close she and Joe are getting. He fears Joe will replace him.
Mary has two choices. She can a) react defensively and tell Bob that he is overreacting and that Joe and she are just lovers or b) understand that Bob is at a vulnerable stage in his development as a new cuckold. He needs reassurance that although his world is changing, his is valuable to Mary.
Reacting Wisely
Commonly, a new Cuckoldress reacts with an attitude of dismissal, placating her mate, or minimizing what he feels. Statements like, ‘you are overreacting,’ ‘don’t be silly,’ ‘we can stop if you want,’ or ‘I don’t think you trust me enough’ harm the relationship. They can damage the cuckold’s psyche.
Mary’s reaction to Bob’s needs directly impacts their relationship. She must remember that she is a loving wife first and a Cuckoldress second. Her reaction must be loving and reassuring, understanding and supportive, self-controlled and patient.
She needs not stop what she is doing. However, she must be mindful that what she does with Joe greatly impacts Bob and that impact may be negative. This is especially the case in the beginning and then periodically throughout the relationship as their emotional bond deepens. Why does a bond deepening cause negative feelings to arise?
As each person feels more vulnerable, they perceive an increased risk of being hurt. Cuckoldresses must remember that this is a cyclical process and one which leads to more skilled management as time passes. However, how she starts the process will make all the difference to her cuckold.
Problem #4: Rushing Sex
Many new cuckolds and Cuckoldresses alike rush the sexual part of the relationship. Similarly to one-night stands, beginning sexual interaction too early in a cuckold relationship distorts the connection.
A new Cuckoldress would be wise to avoid catering to his fantasies until he is meeting all her non-sexual needs. Her goal is to find a mate who will care for, support, and respect her.
Withholding fantasy fulfillment encourages her potential mate. It gives them time to understand one another. Likewise, it helps them build a healthy foundation for a cuckold relationship and gives her control early in the relationship.
People seeking a romantic match tend to focus on commonalities in sex, kink and attraction. They neglect core values of the relationship. Then, the novelty fades and the connection ends.
Maintaining a reality-based relationship gives them each the time needed to have a healthy courtship. They develop a bond that will remain strong as they explore cuckoldry. If a married couple wishes to explore cuckoldry, I recommend refraining from catering to the cuckold’s fantasies too early.
A Better Alternative
Instead, she could focus on his training and help his submissive side develop fully. Then, he has the training he needs, she can slowly introduce fantasy to the relationship.
The most common assumption men and women make about cuckold relationships is that they are purely sexual or predominantly sexual. While sex is a large part of cuckolding, the relationship is not solely sexual or kink based. The relationship requires more than physical attraction, sexual gratification, and similar kinks.
By maintaining control of how and when things happen, she can ensure that her needs are met before her wants. She can ensure that the relationship she has with her mate is strong enough to endure any challenges and problems the couple may experience as they explore cuckoldry. As always, balance is key to a healthy relationship.
Problem #5: Confusing Fantasy with Reality
In the fantasy, no one has the potential to get hurt in the process. Reality promises no such thing. Realistically, people can and do get hurt.
Telltale Signs That You, or Your Partner, May Be a Fantasist
Fantasists convince themselves that, by being brazenly honest, they will get what they want — an automatic cuckold relationship. They will not need to discuss it. In their minds, what woman would not jump at this ideal opportunity?!
Fantasists figure they will spend the rest of their days living out their fantasies with a willing partner. However, they do not consider their partner’s needs, preferences or limitations.
Realism ruins the fantasy immediately for them and denial is a common theme in their thought processes. In the fantasy, everything focuses on the act of cuckolding rather than the relationship. Fantasists focus on cuckold pornography. They think that is how life is on a daily basis for real cuckolds.
Lovers magically appear with perfect bodies and enormous endowments that are always “performance-ready” and their partner never has a bad experience. No one ever gets sick, loses the mood to play, needs a break, has other priorities, or feels guilty about their actions. Aftercare is not a thought; neither is romance. There are no “rules to play by” because everyone can do as they please without adverse consequences. Disease, old age, ailments, imperfections, and bad days do not exist.
Before one begins building a healthy, stable, supporting, loving cuckold relationship, one must have a firm grasp on reality. People interested in realistic cuckoldry take their time to learn all they can about why they are the way they are, but most importantly, they put their partners first.
Men with a realistic view of cuckoldry communicate with their partners, address their concerns, and allow them to adjust to any changes that need to be made to the relationship. Realistically, a cuckold follows his partner’s lead. He does not complain, push, or become disgruntled by her pace.
Problem #6: An Unbalanced Approach
I always help a couple begin with a solid foundation by teaching them The FCR Concept™ first. Often, this includes taking action with domestic duties, but many people question this method. After all, what does domestic service have to do with cuckoldry?
As a Cuckoldress, I can tell you, the amount of work I have to do around the house, running my microbusiness, finding a date, and then preparing for it leaves little time for me to focus on the most important element in that entire scenario—namely, me. Dylan understands there are more pressing concerns that require attention, and that our life together is better if we prioritize our needs.
Though taking a lover is fun, exciting, and titillating. Emotional intimacy comes after the lover leaves the couple. Outside of the bedroom, a cuckold can show his love for and support of his Cuckoldress by helping around the house.
A Difference in Duties
This is a major difference between the fantasy and the reality of cuckoldry. In the fantasy, the act of cuckolding is all-encompassing; everything the woman needs is taken care of by the lover and his over-sized endowment. In reality, the cuckold has a greater responsibility to her and to his relationship than a man who is not into cuckoldry, sharing his partner, or kink in general.
The cuckold, realistically speaking, has a duty that goes beyond anything that can be done with a phallus. He is responsible for her heart, her mind, her safety, and her well-being. A lover’s responsibility begins and ends with carnal pleasure; everything else belongs to the cuckold.
Unlike in the fantasy, a woman cannot always cuckold her partner.
When Expectations Differ
I once worked with a couple and it was clear to me that the husband had obviously fantasized about being cuckolded for years, while the wife had secretly explored extramarital affairs. In the husband’s fantasy, he got to watch “live porn” as his wife exposed him to her affairs. However, the wife kept her activities private, noting that she felt diminished pleasure with her husband present. This couple, who “never argued” before, were suddenly “arguing all the time” because his expectations were drastically different from her needs.
An unbalanced approach leads to unreasonableness, irritability, withdrawal, or dismissiveness. Or, in the case of the couple above, the husband unwittingly causing a rift, rather than a bond, between him and his wife.
Focusing intently on self-serving activities and thinking it will pass, worsens problems. Any problems already existing in a relationship are magnified by exploring liberated sexuality in any form.
Problem #7: No Contingency Plan
This man clearly faces many problems from lack of communication to fear of the truth, but the biggest problem he faced was his lack of a contingency plan. Likely, his lack of forethought stemmed from confusing fantasy with reality, but I digress.
Accidents happen—from STDs to unexpected pregnancy—especially if you choose to have barrier-free intercourse for any reason, to include creampies and clean-up duty. Discuss any possible problems and what your plan as a couple will be, if they happen. This conversation is best had outside of the bedroom and when everyone is calm, neutral, and thinking clearly enough to plan ahead.